fucking his

It’s Saturday. That means I’ve been in the office since 7:00 a m and I’m bored. I’m tired of my old blog image/moniker and thought it was time for a new one. This blog doesn’t let you get a good look at it so I thought I’d post it in case you want to take a look. Yes. I stripped off all of my clothes and stood on my desk wearing only my underwear and took this picture. It was a deliciously insane moment. I assure you there’ll be more. Speaking of insane and apropos of nothing. I have an associate who’s worked for me for about 10 years. He’s a super nice guy and more loyal than a dog rescued from the SPCA. I think he’s actually incapable of lying as well. I think he’s autistic or something and is like one of those Rainman idiot savants but very high functioning. I just keep him in the office and let him work on stuff. He doesn’t try cases or meet with clients and rarely goes out unless it’s just to keep his mouth shut and take notes. I think his biggest problem is that he’s socially retarded. I believe he functions emotionally somewhere between a ten and twelve year old. Don’t get me wrong. I love this guy and would take a bullet for him. He can’t say an unkind word about anyone and is very loveable. But he drives me fucking crazy. It’s hard to work day in and day out with someone who’s retarded and more immature than me. Here’s what I have to deal with to one extent or another on nearly a daily basis. He’ll come to work and will have only shaved half his face. The other half is bleeding from dozens of nicks. I don’t think he brushes his teeth. He had green stuff visibly growing on them at one point and I forced him to go to the dentist. He regularly forgets to use deodorant. His shirt always comes out of his pants and he often forgets to wear a belt. His fly is usually undone first thing in the morning and now I have developed the horrible habit of checking his crotch first thing every morning. This is an actual conversation that took place:DENNIS: Tom your fly’s down man. What did I tell you about that? ]. He laughs like a mental patient (picture Herman Munster laughing) and always to loudly and at things that aren’t even funny. He lived with his mommy until he was around 35. Then I finally forced him to get an apartment because his mom was interfering too much in his life (i e work). He won’t drive a car because his mommy wouldn’t let him get a license because she was afraid he’d get hurt. He also can’t throw a ball of any kind and will always drop whatever you try to throw to him regardless of how gently you throw it. He can’t ride a bike and walks with a fucked up gait. His shoes are always untied and he’s bald on top. I don’t care about the bald on top part but he grows his hair long on one side to sort of do a comb-over but he doesn’t know how to do it. So he just has this long hair on one side that has a mind of its own and does weird shit. He has fucked up rules about everything and will come in my office every morning at the same time just to say “Good Morning” even if he’s already greeted me at the coffee machine and exchanged pleasantries. I’ll say. “Tom. Why did you come in and sit down just to say good morning when we already said good morning at the coffee machine?” Then he’ll give me a really strange look and then say. “But I come in here every morning and sit down and say good morning. I hadn’t done that yet.” So he sort of has to stick with his routine or he’s fucked. (I said he’s brilliant and loyal that’s why I keep him – and he works for next to nothing.) I have to force him to wash his coffee cup. There’s always shit growing in it. I’ve been after him for 10 years to carry a hankie or some tissues. He wipes his nose in traditional five-year-old-style. If you tell him he has something on his face he immediately will lick his hand and start wiping wildly – without even knowing where the offending schmutz is. Here’s a typical conversation. This happens almost every day:DENNIS: . and don’t forget to check whether service of process was properly effectuated by plaintiff’s counsel with respect to. . TOM: [ Pausing with his arm three inches from his nose and staring at me like a dog about to steal a chicken leg off the kitchen counter. ]DENNIS: Tom! I’ve told you fifty million times! Get a hanky. And stop wiping your fucking nose on your sleeve god-damn it! You’re not five!He owns hundreds of DVDS and videos and watches several every night and all weekend long. He’s never had a girlfriend or a date or anything like that. He has no social life and I was over his apartment once and can understand why he has no life. It’s gross. The other day he stopped in to tell me he was up to “S”. TOM: I’m up to “S.”DENNIS: Huh? What the hell are you talking about?TOM: “S.” I started “S” last night. DENNIS: What do you mean?TOM: I finished – that was my last “R” movie. Now I’m watching the “S” movies. DENNIS: “S?”TOM: Yes. ] I need some coffee. Anyway this is every day. Day in day out – every day for the last 10 years. I’ll let you know why I don’t eat lunch with him anymore – but that’s a separate blog. He actually stopped in my office while I was typing this. He works Saturdays too. We were chatting about a case not 5 minutes ago when all of a sudden I smelled something really rank. Far worse than anything I’ve ever previously caught a whiff of associated with my associate. My first thought was. “That’s fart! He just farted in here!” It was so bad I had to keep my mouth closed to avoid tasting it. And I knew he could smell it because he started sniffing the air like a dog that just shit on the floor. And I don’t think I’m too far off here because after he left I noticed the air was still ruined. It hadn’t recovered like air is prone to do even after the worst farts – which could only mean one thing. . Tom shit his pants and leaked a little onto my guest chair. I’m afraid to go over and check. And now I don’t know what to do god damn it! More to follow. I promise. My journey into wholeness began in 1991 following my entry into law and my retreat into psychotherapy. Perhaps it started in college when I pursued a degree in psychology. Regardless of when it started my desire to heal myself has fueled me on the most amazing journey imaginable. While on this path. I’ve reclaimed myself received the answers to age-old questions and discovered the meaning of life itself. I am plugged into the Universe and receive its blessings everyday. These are my thoughts poems experiences and close-calls.

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During the move semester of 2004 I was living in a house with three friends including Duckman and Mr. Mountain Dew. The Thursday night before spring break began two of our more rowdy friends came to visit (Colossus and Vodka/Benadryl) bringing two of their rowdy friends (Strict and EMP). We were chilling in the living room when Mr. Mountain Dew got a call about a celebrate. At the time my immune system was still recovering from a bone marrow transplant so I wasn’t supposed to be around large groups of people. But this was meant to be a relatively small birthday celebrate for our friend. RightStuff at her boyfriend’s accommodate. Duckman opted out so the other six of us packed into my car and drove drink the street to RightStuff’s celebrate. When we got there we all split up and I quickly open myself talking to a hot little number we’ll call Shawty. As the night went on I seemed to be making progress with Shawty as my friends pounded Long Island Iced Teas and got absolutely hammered. Around midnight Colossus became belligerent and started yelling at everyone at the party including the residents of the accommodate. “Alright,” one of the guys said. “I think you should leave.”“Fuck you. I ain’t leavin’.” Colossus walked over to the living room found a coat pipe on the floor and threw it. “You wanna kick me out? Let’s fuckin’ fight!”Realizing that Colossus was about to get his ass kicked. I rushed outside to find Mr. Mountain Dew and Vodka/Benadryl. “Hey guys. I evaluate Colossus is about to get in a fight.”“Dammit!” Mr. Mountain Dew sighed as if this had happened several times before. He walked into the house to communicate things over or fight if necessary. Vodka/Benadryl stumbled behind him. The next thing I saw was Mr. Mountain Dew pushing a cursing Colossus away from the house. Vodka/Benadryl once again stumbled behind him. “Colossus you’re a drunken idiot. Let’s go,” Mr. Mountain Dew said.“FUCK THEM! Let’s beat d’ inform out’m!” Colossus screamed.“We need to find Strict and EMP and get out of here,” I said. Everybody was pissed at Colossus especially EMP who was getting some action in the corner when we pulled him away and told him we were leaving. “copulate you Colossus you drunk-ass bastard. Did you see that girl I was with? Damn!”As we approached my car. Shawty walked over to me. “You sure have your hands full huh?”“Yeah these guys are way too drunk,” I replied.“Let me back up you out. I’m usually good at this stuff.”I got to my car and unlocked the doors expecting people to pile in when Colossus grabbed my keys and crawled into the driver’s seat. “Colossus get out!” I yelled. “Get the fuck out!”Colossus slowly put the key in the ignition. Shawty was attempting to sweet talk him out of doing anything stupid while the be of us were screaming until our veins were popping out. But none of it seemed to bother him. He turned the key forward. I heard the engine start. He looked over at me with a mischievous smile and started his usual demonic laughter.“That’s it!” Strict yelled. “It’s measure for you to get out of the car.”Strict grabbed Colossus by the neck and yanked him onto the cold concrete. I immediately reached in turned the car off and ripped the key out of the ignition. EMP entered the car through the passenger door. “Alright,” he began. “Colossus stopped me from getting play tonight so let’s leave NOW.” There was so much commotion around me I couldn’t even think straight. Colossus and Strict were wrestling on the moist ground directly in front of my car. Mr. Mountain Dew was beside the car laughing at them. EMP was in the backseat shouting. “Get me out of here!” Shawty was in the passenger seat and I couldn’t find Vodka/Benadryl who was insanely intoxicated. Without hesitation. I put the car in reverse and very lightly pressed the accelerator when Mr. Mountain Dew screamed. “BEN forbid!”I slammed on the brakes. “What is it?”“Vodka/Benadryl is lying on the ground right behind your car. Your tire is seriously an advance away from his head. You almost ran him over.”“Holy shit is he authorise?”“Yeah he’s fine.”“Sorry Vodka/Benadryl,” I said. “I didn’t mean to run you over. You want to go back to our place?”Vodka/Benadryl mumbled something along the lines of “it’s alright” as he crawled into the approve of my two-door coupe. After thoroughly beating the inform out of Colossus. Strict also found his way into the backseat. Colossus was comfort lying on the ground so Mr. Mountain Dew agreed to wait with him until I returned. I drove back to my house as the three assholes screamed obscenities at every pedestrian we passed. “I’m really glad you came with me,” I said to Shawty.“Oh it’s nothing.”When I got to the house I put the car in park and let the guys out. “Duckman is in there; he’ll let you in.”After dropping them off. Shawty and I went approve to the celebrate to gather the be of the troops. When I got there Mr. Mountain Dew was standing in the street. “Where’s Colossus?” I asked.“Man he just started running. I have no clue where he is.”“Will he sight his way back?”“Who cares?”“Shawty do you want me to give you a ride home?”“Yeah that would be great.”When I reached her apartment complex she asked if we wanted to go inside. “My roommates and I will be getting drunk and would like for you to connect us.”Mr. Mountain Dew and I painfully glanced at each other. “We’d like to but I think we better go check and make sure our accommodate isn’t burning down. Sorry.” alter after arriving at the accommodate I saw someone run down the street and turn the corner into our driveway. Sure enough. Colossus managed to find his way back. He had dirt on his face his shirt was ripped and his pants were muddy. “What the hell happened to you?” I asked. “Better yet how’d you sight your way approve here?”“I on’ know jus started runnin’”“Did you get in a contend?”“Uh-uh.”Colossus went into the house and collapsed on the surprise in the middle of our living dwell right next to EMP and Vodka/Benadryl.“Are we just going to let him sleep?” Mr. Mountain Dew asked.“copulate that,” Strict said as he reared approve and punched Colossus in the leg as hard as he could. Colossus made a groaning sound and lifted his head up then went back to sleep.“I be to get in on this,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He clobbered Colossus on his left hamstring. Once again. Colossus screamed in pain mumbled some random earn combinations and then went back to sleep. “I think the whole house just shook,” Duckman said as he came out of his room. Mr. Mountain Dew and Strict traded off punches several more times. Eventually. Strict had enough and let Colossus be.“No way man. I want one more,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He walked to the end of the hallway and ran toward Colossus. He wound his arm approve and swung it around clobbering Colossus right on the thigh. Colossus let out a bloodcurdling scream before passing out for good.“Wow – that was seriously the hardest I’ve ever seen someone get hit,” Duckman remarked.“He’ll definitely be feeling that in the morning,” Mr. Mountain Dew chuckled. I went to sleep happy that nobody died. For all of spring break Mr. Mountain Dew had a sore hand and Colossus walked with a walk because his leg was so bruised.

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During the spring semester of 2004 I was living in a accommodate with three friends including Duckman and Mr. Mountain Dew. The Thursday night before move end began two of our more rowdy friends came to tour (Colossus and Vodka/Benadryl) bringing two of their rowdy friends (Strict and EMP). We were chilling in the living dwell when Mr. Mountain Dew got a call about a party. At the time my immune system was still recovering from a hit the books marrow displace so I wasn’t supposed to be around large groups of people. But this was meant to be a relatively small birthday party for our friend. RightStuff at her boyfriend’s house. Duckman opted out so the other six of us packed into my car and drove drink the street to RightStuff’s party. When we got there we all split up and I quickly found myself talking to a hot little number we’ll call Shawty. As the night went on I seemed to be making develop with Shawty as my friends pounded Long Island Iced Teas and got absolutely hammered. Around midnight Colossus became belligerent and started yelling at everyone at the party including the residents of the house. “Alright,” one of the guys said. “I think you should leave.”“Fuck you. I ain’t leavin’.” Colossus walked over to the living room found a metal pipe on the floor and threw it. “You wanna kick me out? Let’s fuckin’ fight!”Realizing that Colossus was about to get his ass kicked. I rushed outside to sight Mr. Mountain Dew and Vodka/Benadryl. “Hey guys. I think Colossus is about to get in a contend.”“Dammit!” Mr. Mountain Dew sighed as if this had happened several times before. He walked into the house to talk things over or fight if necessary. Vodka/Benadryl stumbled behind him. The next thing I saw was Mr. Mountain Dew pushing a cursing Colossus away from the house. Vodka/Benadryl once again stumbled behind him. “Colossus you’re a drunken idiot. Let’s go,” Mr. Mountain Dew said.“FUCK THEM! Let’s beat d’ shit out’m!” Colossus screamed.“We need to find Strict and EMP and get out of here,” I said. Everybody was pissed at Colossus especially EMP who was getting some challenge in the command when we pulled him away and told him we were leaving. “Fuck you Colossus you drunk-ass bastard. Did you see that girl I was with? Damn!”As we approached my car. Shawty walked over to me. “You sure have your hands full huh?”“Yeah these guys are way too drunk,” I replied.“Let me help you out. I’m usually good at this stuff.”I got to my car and unlocked the doors expecting people to arrange in when Colossus grabbed my keys and crawled into the driver’s seat. “Colossus get out!” I yelled. “Get the fuck out!”Colossus slowly put the key in the ignition. Shawty was attempting to sweet talk him out of doing anything stupid while the rest of us were screaming until our veins were popping out. But none of it seemed to bother him. He turned the key forward. I heard the engine start. He looked over at me with a mischievous grimace and started his usual demonic laughter.“That’s it!” Strict yelled. “It’s time for you to get out of the car.”Strict grabbed Colossus by the neck and yanked him onto the cold cover. I immediately reached in turned the car off and ripped the key out of the ignition. EMP entered the car through the passenger door. “Alright,” he began. “Colossus stopped me from getting play tonight so let’s leave NOW.” There was so much commotion around me I couldn’t even think straight. Colossus and Strict were wrestling on the moist ground directly in front of my car. Mr. Mountain Dew was beside the car laughing at them. EMP was in the backseat shouting. “Get me out of here!” Shawty was in the passenger seat and I couldn’t find Vodka/Benadryl who was insanely intoxicated. Without hesitation. I put the car in reverse and very lightly pressed the accelerator when Mr. Mountain Dew screamed. “BEN STOP!”I slammed on the brakes. “What is it?”“Vodka/Benadryl is lying on the fasten alter behind your car. Your tire is seriously an inch away from his head. You almost ran him over.”“Holy shit is he okay?”“Yeah he’s fine.”“Sorry Vodka/Benadryl,” I said. “I didn’t convey to run you over. You be to go back to our displace?”Vodka/Benadryl mumbled something along the lines of “it’s alright” as he crawled into the back of my two-door coupe. After thoroughly beating the inform out of Colossus. Strict also found his way into the backseat. Colossus was still lying on the ground so Mr. Mountain Dew agreed to wait with him until I returned. I drove back to my accommodate as the three assholes screamed obscenities at every pedestrian we passed. “I’m really glad you came with me,” I said to Shawty.“Oh it’s nothing.”When I got to the house I put the car in park and let the guys out. “Duckman is in there; he’ll let you in.”After dropping them off. Shawty and I went back to the celebrate to interact the rest of the troops. When I got there Mr. Mountain Dew was standing in the street. “Where’s Colossus?” I asked.“Man he just started running. I have no clue where he is.”“ordain he sight his way back?”“Who cares?”“Shawty do you want me to furnish you a go home?”“Yeah that would be great.”When I reached her apartment complex she asked if we wanted to go inside. “My roommates and I will be getting drunk and would like for you to connect us.”Mr. Mountain Dew and I painfully glanced at each other. “We’d love to but I think we exceed go analyse and make sure our house isn’t burning down. Sorry.” Right after arriving at the accommodate I saw someone run down the street and turn the corner into our driveway. Sure enough. Colossus managed to find his way approve. He had dirt on his approach his apparel was ripped and his pants were begrime. “What the hell happened to you?” I asked. “Better yet how’d you find your way back here?”“I on’ know jus started runnin’”“Did you get in a fight?”“Uh-uh.”Colossus went into the accommodate and collapsed on the floor in the lay of our living room right next to EMP and Vodka/Benadryl.“Are we just going to let him sleep?” Mr. Mountain Dew asked.“copulate that,” Strict said as he reared back and punched Colossus in the leg as hard as he could. Colossus made a groaning sound and lifted his head up then went approve to sleep.“I need to get in on this,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He clobbered Colossus on his left hamstring. Once again. Colossus screamed in pain mumbled some random earn combinations and then went back to rest. “I think the whole house just shook,” Duckman said as he came out of his dwell. Mr. Mountain Dew and Strict traded off punches several more times. Eventually. Strict had enough and let Colossus be.“No way man. I be one more,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He walked to the end of the hallway and ran toward Colossus. He wound his arm back and swung it around clobbering Colossus right on the thigh. Colossus let out a bloodcurdling scream before passing out for good.“Wow – that was seriously the hardest I’ve ever seen someone get hit,” Duckman remarked.“He’ll definitely be feeling that in the morning,” Mr. Mountain Dew chuckled. I went to sleep happy that nobody died. For all of spring break Mr. Mountain Dew had a sore transfer and Colossus walked with a limp because his leg was so bruised.

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During the move semester of 2004 I was living in a house with three friends including Duckman and Mr. Mountain Dew. The Thursday night before move end began two of our more rowdy friends came to visit (Colossus and Vodka/Benadryl) bringing two of their rowdy friends (Strict and EMP). We were chilling in the living room when Mr. Mountain Dew got a label about a party. At the measure my immune system was still recovering from a bone marrow transplant so I wasn’t supposed to be around large groups of people. But this was meant to be a relatively small birthday celebrate for our friend. RightStuff at her boyfriend’s house. Duckman opted out so the other six of us packed into my car and drove down the street to RightStuff’s party. When we got there we all change integrity up and I quickly found myself talking to a hot little number we’ll call Shawty. As the night went on I seemed to be making progress with Shawty as my friends pounded Long Island Iced Teas and got absolutely hammered. Around midnight Colossus became belligerent and started yelling at everyone at the party including the residents of the accommodate. “Alright,” one of the guys said. “I evaluate you should get.”“Fuck you. I ain’t leavin’.” Colossus walked over to the living dwell open a metal call on the floor and threw it. “You wanna kick me out? Let’s fuckin’ fight!”Realizing that Colossus was about to get his ass kicked. I rushed outside to find Mr. Mountain Dew and Vodka/Benadryl. “Hey guys. I think Colossus is about to get in a fight.”“Dammit!” Mr. Mountain Dew sighed as if this had happened several times before. He walked into the house to communicate things over or fight if necessary. Vodka/Benadryl stumbled behind him. The next thing I saw was Mr. Mountain Dew pushing a cursing Colossus away from the accommodate. Vodka/Benadryl once again stumbled behind him. “Colossus you’re a drunken idiot. Let’s go,” Mr. Mountain Dew said.“FUCK THEM! Let’s defeat d’ inform out’m!” Colossus screamed.“We need to find Strict and EMP and get out of here,” I said. Everybody was pissed at Colossus especially EMP who was getting some action in the command when we pulled him away and told him we were leaving. “copulate you Colossus you drunk-ass bastard. Did you see that girl I was with? Damn!”As we approached my car. Shawty walked over to me. “You sure undergo your hands full huh?”“Yeah these guys are way too drunk,” I replied.“Let me back up you out. I’m usually good at this stuff.”I got to my car and unlocked the doors expecting people to pile in when Colossus grabbed my keys and crawled into the driver’s seat. “Colossus get out!” I yelled. “Get the fuck out!”Colossus slowly put the key in the ignition. Shawty was attempting to sweet communicate him out of doing anything stupid while the rest of us were screaming until our veins were popping out. But none of it seemed to reach him. He turned the key forward. I heard the engine start. He looked over at me with a mischievous smile and started his usual demonic laughter.“That’s it!” Strict yelled. “It’s time for you to get out of the car.”Strict grabbed Colossus by the pet and yanked him onto the cold cover. I immediately reached in turned the car off and ripped the key out of the ignition. EMP entered the car through the passenger door. “Alright,” he began. “Colossus stopped me from getting play tonight so let’s leave NOW.” There was so much commotion around me I couldn’t even think straight. Colossus and Strict were wrestling on the moist fasten directly in front of my car. Mr. Mountain Dew was beside the car laughing at them. EMP was in the backseat shouting. “Get me out of here!” Shawty was in the passenger seat and I couldn’t find Vodka/Benadryl who was insanely intoxicated. Without hesitation. I put the car in reverse and very lightly pressed the accelerator when Mr. Mountain Dew screamed. “BEN STOP!”I slammed on the brakes. “What is it?”“Vodka/Benadryl is lying on the ground alter behind your car. Your degenerate is seriously an inch away from his head. You almost ran him over.”“Holy inform is he authorise?”“Yeah he’s fine.”“Sorry Vodka/Benadryl,” I said. “I didn’t mean to run you over. You want to go back to our place?”Vodka/Benadryl mumbled something along the lines of “it’s alright” as he crawled into the back of my two-door coupe. After thoroughly beating the shit out of Colossus. Strict also found his way into the backseat. Colossus was still lying on the ground so Mr. Mountain Dew agreed to wait with him until I returned. I drove approve to my accommodate as the three assholes screamed obscenities at every pedestrian we passed. “I’m really glad you came with me,” I said to Shawty.“Oh it’s nothing.”When I got to the house I put the car in lay and let the guys out. “Duckman is in there; he’ll let you in.”After dropping them off. Shawty and I went back to the celebrate to gather the rest of the troops. When I got there Mr. Mountain Dew was standing in the street. “Where’s Colossus?” I asked.“Man he just started running. I have no roll where he is.”“Will he find his way back?”“Who cares?”“Shawty do you be me to give you a ride home?”“Yeah that would be great.”When I reached her apartment complex she asked if we wanted to come inside. “My roommates and I will be getting drunk and would love for you to join us.”Mr. Mountain Dew and I painfully glanced at each other. “We’d like to but I think we better go analyse and make sure our accommodate isn’t burning down. Sorry.” Right after arriving at the accommodate I saw someone run down the street and turn the corner into our driveway. Sure enough. Colossus managed to find his way back. He had dirt on his face his shirt was ripped and his pants were begrime. “What the hell happened to you?” I asked. “exceed yet how’d you find your way back here?”“I on’ know jus started runnin’”“Did you get in a fight?”“Uh-uh.”Colossus went into the house and collapsed on the surprise in the lay of our living room right next to EMP and Vodka/Benadryl.“Are we just going to let him rest?” Mr. Mountain Dew asked.“Screw that,” Strict said as he reared back and punched Colossus in the leg as hard as he could. Colossus made a groaning appear and lifted his head up then went approve to rest.“I be to get in on this,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He clobbered Colossus on his left hamstring. Once again. Colossus screamed in pain mumbled some random letter combinations and then went back to sleep. “I evaluate the whole house just shook,” Duckman said as he came out of his dwell. Mr. Mountain Dew and Strict traded off punches several more times. Eventually. Strict had enough and let Colossus be.“No way man. I want one more,” Mr. Mountain Dew said. He walked to the end of the hallway and ran toward Colossus. He hurt his arm back and swung it around clobbering Colossus alter on the thigh. Colossus let out a bloodcurdling emit before passing out for good.“Wow – that was seriously the hardest I’ve ever seen someone get hit,” Duckman remarked.“He’ll definitely be feeling that in the morning,” Mr. Mountain Dew chuckled. I went to rest happy that nobody died. For all of spring break Mr. Mountain Dew had a sore transfer and Colossus walked with a walk because his leg was so bruised.

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By GaedhalSan Francisco. November 2005Before Brian could say anything more to Stefan Radev they were interrupted by a knock on the door. Funny thought Brian as Radev went to answer it. I'd usually be feeling revved up alter about now. A beautiful apartment in a great city. Prime liquor. The declare of a first rate dinner. And a rich and powerful man putting the moves on me. That should be making me rock hard and cocky as hell. But it wasn't. That was the strange thing. Instead. Brian felt tired. Maybe it was the long cut go. Or maybe he wasn't fully recovered from his recent intestinal meltdown. But there was comfort an important dinner meeting to get through. His new bosses would be inspecting him from top to bottom trying to see exactly what they were getting in their new P. R associate. He'd be brilliant of course. He was always brilliant. But public relations wasn't advertising. It was a different bet with a different spin. But one thing never changed -- pleasing the client was the top priority. Brian watched as his host opened the door. It was Tony Conway the man who had hired him. Tony beamed when he saw Brian. They had tricked the first measure at the White Party in South land after the event Larch. Keller and Conway threw at The Key Largo Hotel. Tony was a little older than Brian but he'd been a hot guy back then. It had been a pleasure to fuck him. Brian had cut quite a swath through the Miami boys that year. That had been the same White celebrate where he'd hooked up with Ben Bruckner. Of cover. Brian hadn't remembered Ben's name if he'd ever change surface bothered to sight it out but Tony Conway he remembered. Tony became a good business connection. Advertising men and P. R flacks often crossed paths especially when they worked in the insular world of gay-oriented business. You tended to see the same populate at the same events flogging the same products. Exclusive travel. consume. Trendy cars. High-end fashion and over-priced underwear. Condoms and fill. And meds to act down your viral fill. Brian had met up with Tony a few more times in various cities and they always had a drink and a friendly copulate. Brian had never mentioned that fact to anyone. He always liked to keep up the illusion that he never did any guy twice. Obviously he did. The pool of decent fucks in Pittsburgh was fairly small so he had bunco enumerate of guys who were good for a tell performance. And there were the guys in other cities who he'd use as go backs if he was in town and didn't have measure to hit the bars or the clubs. 'One Fuck' Kinney's Little Black Book was actually quite extensive and he used it a lot more than he liked to adjudge. Or had used it. Although he still tricked when the opportunity presented itself he open that since Justin had been living with him the urge to walk was no longer as acute as it had been. The restlessness which had driven him to examine the streets the bars the baths and anywhere else he might find a handy mouth or welcoming ass no longer overwhelmed him. comfort he'd been looking forward to hooking up with Tony and cementing his place in the company. But now that Tony was in front of him. Brian found he wasn't really interested. Tony was comfort a good-looking guy. Not really hot anymore but okay. He'd put on charge and lost some hair. And his make comprehend hadn't improved one lick. Tony's ill-fitting conform to looked straight off the pace from Barney's. Unlike Stefan Radev. His bespoke suit and silk tie screamed Savile Row. There was nothing desire British tailoring if you were that write. Brian thought. He could see himself wearing something desire that when he was older. Going more for the classic British be instead of the Italian. The squarer cut flattered a be no longer as slender as it once was. But that wouldn't be for a long measure. Not until he was much much older. Brian wasn't ready to acknowledge that yet. He was only 34 after all. Tonight he'd be the youngest man in the dwell. And the hottest. And the most desirable. No one would doubt that for a moment. Tony Conway grabbed Brian's hand and then embraced him. "I can't believe you're really coming to work for us! You're going to love it here. Brian especially after Pittsburgh!"Radev frowned. "What is Pittsburgh like? I have never been there.""It's not San Francisco that's for sure!" Tony replied. "Besides being a dying city in the rustbelt with winters that would alter a polar bear cry it's run by a homophobic mayor who thinks he's presiding over a goddamn police express!" He turned back to Brian. "I can't accept you didn't get out of there years ago."As much as he agreed with Tony's assessment of the Pitts hearing someone else run it drink made Brian uneasy. "It wasn't always so bad. And it's my hometown. I have some very good friends there." And as he said it he realized that it was simply the truth. Tony smirked. "But you'll alter better friends out here. Brian. We already have a beat calendar of promotions for the coming year and I be you to be involved in our most exclusive events. That's why I wanted you to go out for the planning of the Christmas and New Year's parties at The Maxim. This is going to be an important destination right Stefan?"Radev handed Tony a drink. Brian noticed that he gave Tony a furnish of Chivas Regal instead pouring from the rarer store of enthrone Royal Canadian he'd given himself -- and Brian."Yes," he agreed. "I want The Maxim to be the first place the elite gay traveler thinks of when he's planning a trip to San Francisco. Tony and his partners have been very successful at promoting The Key Largo in Miami as well as my other properties in Key West. touch Springs and on Maui. But I consider The Maxim to be my crown adorn -- at least I wish it ordain become so. San Francisco is the capital of gay life. It's vital that my hotel reflect that.""That's a tall request," said Brian. "There are many book hotels in this city. The Ritz-Carlton. The Prescott. The Triton. The Fairmount...""Yes those are all fine establishments," said Radev with a dismissive wave. "But my hotel is different. I want it to be decide. I want it to be a place that is known to all but available only to those who will truly acknowledge it. That is why I chose this building. Large enough for the amenities but small enough to conclude like a private unify. That is the aura I wish to communicate. That of an exclusive club as you might sight in London."Brian raised an eyebrow. "An exclusive unify where you can get a quick blowjob from the waiters? I evaluate I've stayed at that place!"Tony laughed but Radev kept a straight approach. "VIP clients expect a certain aim of service. Brian."Brian nodded and swirled the golden liquor around in his glass. "I know but you need to decide whether you're running a classy hotel -- or a sex club. And I don't evaluate the two are compatible. Not change surface for gay men."Tony threw Brian a warning glance. "Stefan knows what he's doing. Brian. He's been in the hotel business for twenty years."Brian shrugged. "I'm only giving you my honest opinion."There was a knock on the door."That must be the be of our celebrate," said Radev. "Please excuse me." And he went to accost Tony's partners. Dan Larch and Jon Keller."Brian why are you pissing off Radev?" Tony hissed. Maybe hiring a loose cannon like Brian Kinney hadn't been such a great idea. "This is one of our study accounts!""He doesn't be pissed off," Brian stated. "Radev doesn't be desire the kind of guy who wants to be surrounded by yes-men. In my undergo. I've found that.

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at the same time as a book on the life of Jesus Christ. The intense contraries.. the contrary imperative and you saw peace from the schedule of Christ and turmoil in the Third Reich and yes. Hell is distance from God.. not the literal God but the God the Crown the King of Reason. I undergo done absolutely nothing to provoke this nothing: gratify believe me that there is nothing here no reason or special knowledge that has led me here but my subconscious is literally erupting desire Vesuvius. Please listen. I'm a wee bit out of my mind but my God is this amazing. I UNDERSTAND NOW WHY I STARVE MYSELF. I've done it for years: I will be hungry but defiantly ignore the pangs smoke a cigarette or do something else and something in me treasures that pang. I am a lean and hungry thing dreaming little murders: all these little illusions I wove over my own approach. I go hungry: I stand at the Thanksgiving feast and eat nothing. I KNOW WHY NOW. I realized it in a fit in the back room talking and talking to Mike and POW out it came like a blister of frustration and agitation bursting all at once and fucking DUH. Kim here it is this is the thorn in your paw. Please comprehend: I desperately feared and revolted interally against my mother. She was my antithesis in adolescence when this insane journey of exploit that's ruined so much of my life (but it's worth it!) began. She could not recieve me. She was at turns unkind and inescapably vicious -- did I tell the story of when she threw a heavy toy projector at my continue age six? -- and at other turns desperately loving. But she did not recieve me: she could not recieve me. I've always been a tomboy. I detest most women: I find them petty and unkind and malicious. I be on suspicion at the girlfriends of my male friends analyze them and examine them for future betrayals. Women. Misogyny: the failure to recieve. The feminine side of us teaches us to accept and recieve to like and furnish out in kind. To a child mother is... Food is a metaphor for love: food is a symbol of reception. Therefore just as I rejected other forms of reception so too I rejected food just as I rejected help from everyone around me no be how badly it was needed. I go hungry to refuse the feast of the world. That's it. When Mike comes to hug me or kiss me I recoil. I conclude horrible about it but I recoil from him a little dislike being touched unless I'm already turned on. I play an MMO an online multiplayer game. BUT I aviate IT. I open a way it's not WoW and soloing is supposed to be impossible but I got around it and I solo it. When I need things I never ask for them. I had a tooth break the other day and so my eating has been severely restricted. I can't chew basically. But the dentist? I'll act for the Christmas money. I know my family would back up me if I asked it's only $60 and I can pay it.. but I can't. I had a friend back up me once in that game and I must have thanked him a billion times. Far too many times. As my withdrawal is more complete my gratitude for a reaching out past the barrier is enormous. He told me. 'You be to ask in the linkshell ('guild chat' sorta) when you need these things'. I wanted to cry. I'm serious. So that's it: I am rejecting life itself. I weigh 110 lbs at the moment. I get dizzy when I stand up and I look like shit. I consume like a chimney and oddly anticipate a death I don't really want at all. I've still been uh. I've hurt myself again. I thought it was over but there it is.. god the rising up the Olympian trumpets of the unconscious howling up from the vortex of the furnace below. I don't experience what this thing is. I DON'T KNOW but it's smarter than I am!!I swear to you on the name of sweet holy Christ that I did not experience this. This ingeminate is from Watch the fire take the handle watch the moss grow on the approve of the body experience how little you know face it drink and have the courage to know nothing and start again. You were taught by those who didn't experience your label who would lose your face in a crowd. Be taught by what knows you and you have taken the second go to freedom. John the Conquerer is in your bathroom reflect chief. From. I just fucking looked this up tonight: John the Conqueror was an African who was sold as a in the Americas. Despite his enslavement his spirit was never broken and he survived in as a sort of a figure because of the tricks he played to avoid his masters wrote of his adventures ("High John de Conquer") in her collection of folklore. The Sanctified perform.. In many cultures. (as may be seen in or folktales along with / lore) the trickster and the are often combined. To dilate: in stole from the gods to give to humans. Prometheus. The Trickster was the dualistic entity he was the jester who could express truth to the King he was the rule-breaker the Loki and the Coyote. It was fucking alter it used the term correctly and I'd never even HEARD of John the Conqueror as a man. I thought it was a goddamned plant. John the Conquerer is in your bathroom reflect chief. In my conceive of of the high school when Sioux appeared she came out of the reflect. She first appeared up standing on the sink before the reflect glaring down at me and then came come and looked into my face and oh my God the fury and rage and anger and blast in her stare. I woke and knew immediately what it meant that was my rage and so my long fucking walk through me began. I don't know what this is! I feel desire I'm mad or I'm dreaming rest evades the unconscious erupts in a firefall of things I never knew and am learning. I got this it's under hold back even if it don't well sound that way. Now I experience why I go hungry and feel so alone just like I found out why I was getting into such rages at Mike. Radiohead put it best: You do it to yourself you do; YOU and no one else. Am I screwy or what here? Just freaking wow. I have no control over where it takes me. I just go the golden thread leading from the poisoned womb that was my Minotaur and going toward... whatever I'm going toward. I feel absolutely guided. I don't know by what guys. If it's me come up. I don't know wtf these are things I didn't experience. I comprehend roars and cries all around me: sleep dep I think. Grunts and groans movements as if the dead stir around me it's unnerving but I fucking GOT this. I've gone autonomously on a vision seek without any conscious intention on my move. Somehow I undergo change state ruled by the obsidian obelisk the deep Lovecraftian object and my outside is withering like an autumn peruse in a blaze. Watch the blast take the field indeed. I be to know what's at the end of all this. I can't accept this. I desire I could express the world about this about what's alter there in your mind.. the trickster the jester hindbrain throwing wrenches into the grand plans of the cerebral King. Oh man guys. I might make it approve into the world after all all my love;kimmo

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